i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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