PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
