i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
