Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's just like the Real World with babies
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
