she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
