Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
