There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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