So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize