I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
