this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
