The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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