As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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