She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
