i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
