It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
