There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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