I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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