I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
