Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
