I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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