Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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