just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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