I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
