Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This girl is more easily done than said...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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