We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
