toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
