Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
