I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
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You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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