Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
