Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
