The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
