I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
