I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
