I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
