i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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