Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
