im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
