On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize