non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
