4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
