Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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