We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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