Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
