I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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