she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
