what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
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Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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