After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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