No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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