Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
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Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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