He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
