fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's blow job season.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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