foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
