my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
