In the future we'll all be gay
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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