i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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