I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
