it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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