What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
