Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
