There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
