If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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