I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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