I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
